In Brandon’s argumentative essay introduction,
Brandon catches the reader’s attention and compels the reader’s interest to his
issue by short anecdote of his mom and himself in the car, singing their
favorite song. Since Brandon’s issue does not quite contain controversial and
opposing views, there are no contentious problems surrounding the issue. Using his
own personal experiences, Brandon has built his thesis: music has a great but
inexplicable power to heal and save people from despair. His thesis is led
smoothly and directly with good transition from personal experience. As I have
mentioned above, Brandon’s argument is not a type of argument that has a
problem and a probable or practical solution. Thus, there is no solution to the
issue that clearly map out the proposal; however, in his essay, Brandon writes
interesting issue in his essay and concisely articulate his thesis by his hard
experiences in life. Throughout the body part of the essay, Brandon flesh out
his main points with his personal experiences from when he was young to the
recent. In general, Brandon’s personal experiences are used effectively to
support his main points. His experiences use the pathos of people. And some
people might relate to his experience, but not everyone could easily relate to
his experiences. Because his experiences are not so common and relatable, it
might seem subjective, so Brandon could improve his essay by providing someone
else’s experiences or providing light, easily relatable experiences. Brandon
has mentioned an opposing viewpoint quite thoroughly and fairly considered and accordingly
refuted by supporting with his mom’s experience that he has seen. As Brandon
wrap up his essay, he emphasizes his thesis without any repetition and shows
that evidences for his points are clear. Overall, Brandon’s essay exhibits a
variety of word choices and phrase choices. There were some spelling errors,
but it was negligible.
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