Got a Maker's Eye?

The essay, “The Maker’s Eye: Revising Your Own Manuscripts”, is written by Donald Murray, who is an accredited author. In his essay, Murray strongly asserts how necessary and essential it is to rewrite and revise one’s writing and that one should be his own editor and critic.

Probably, all of the students would agree that when they finish writing the rough drafts, the act of writing is done. Then, we just read few more times to correct some spelling and grammatical errors, and that is the complete revising process we go through after the writing rough drafts. However, according to Murray, the completion of the writing rough drafts is not the completion of the writing process, but rather it is the start or the beginning of the writing process. This writing process is not just re-reading of the rough draft, but it is process of producing and yielding the most refined and polished work. Murray strongly emphasizes that when writers go through the process of revision, “[they] must learn to be their own enemy” and detach themselves from their works, so that they could be objective and critical to their works. Later on in his essay, Murray introduces the eight categories or parts where the maker’s eye should carefully look at. These eight categories include information, meaning in the information, awareness of the audience, form or genre, structure, development, dimension, and the voice of the writer.

After reading Donald Murray’s “The Maker’s Eye: Revising Your Own Manuscripts”, I have re-read my 2-page brainstorm advertisement analysis and looked for the eight categories that Murray emphasized. Of course, I found information in my paper, since about 55% of the paper is about the advertisement information. I also found meanings in the information, which is the analysis of the advertisement. Then I questioned myself if I was aware of the audience by putting myself in reader’s shoes, whether this information and analysis is clear to understand or not. Next thing, I checked was the form and structure of my paper in general which I thought the overall structure and form was not bad; however I felt that it would be better if I had used smoother transition word to make the structure flow better. For developing and considering dimension in the paper, I thought that I was developing my idea and theme well enough for the readers to understand, but I still need to add and subtract some parts that need to be further explained. Finally, when I looked for my overall voice throughout the paper, it was hard to find my voice, so I thought that maybe my voice in this paper is too weak to find, and I felt the need to strengthen my voice when expressing my theme and my thoughts to the audience.

Overall I had applied Murray’s eight considerable categories, and I realized how important it is to re-read and revise the writing with the maker’s eye. 

Analysis of the Cosmopolitan Magazine

As you know, the national magazine, Cosmopolitan, is very well known fashion magazine for women. When it started publishing in 1886, it was mainly about women’s fashion, beauty, cooking, and health. However, nowadays Cosmopolitan Magazine has several articles not only of fashion, beauty, and health, but also of celebrities, entertainment, beauty, college, career, and politics. The expected audience of this magazine is 20-35 years old of women, who are young and are interested in fashion and beauty. Reading through the magazine, we can see many aspects where producers and editors of this magazine have considered the audience’s age and interest. Looking at the cover page of the magazine, there is a big colorful title, Cosmopolitan, written in the upper top of the cover. The main image or picture of the cover page, which appeals very first to the audience, is a popular celebrity who has been a hot issue in that month. Since this magazine is written for women, the primary color used throughout this entire magazine is “girlish” color such as pink, violet, yellow, etc. And, of course, the celebrity that made the cover page is mostly women celebrity. The major purpose of this magazine is to inform its audience new beauty facts, fashion trends or styles, and articles about celebrities, love, and relationships. However, Cosmopolitan also has articles about politics, college, and career. Because this magazine is targeted toward the young women, the types of advertisements that are contained in this magazine are mostly perfume advertisements, cosmetic advertisements, jewelry advertisements, and clothes advertisements. One of the advertisements found in Cosmopolitan, that I chose to talk about, is the perfume advertisement from Gucci. The main image depicted in this advertisement is man hugging woman. This Gucci Guilty advertisement tries to convey that man is attracted and allured by the woman because of her Gucci perfume scent. The font that this advertisement uses is very classic and sophisticated, and the color of the advertisement is very uniformly “nude” and dark, which makes the advertisement look more glamorous and elegant and the brand image more luxurious and chic. This advertisement of Gucci perfume relates to Cosmopolitan Magazine, because both the advertisement and the magazine are aimed towards women who want to be more elegant and stylish.

Coke Ads

Both of these two soft drink beverage advertisements are from 2010. One is from the Pepsi, and the other is from the Coca-Cola Company. These two brands, Pepsi and Coca-Cola have been fighting each other for at least 50 years. However, in spite of this rivalry, Pepsi and Coca-Cola are the main two tops of the soft drink beverage market.

The first print advertisement is from Pepsi. This advertisement shows a young, beautiful, and skinny woman drinking a thin-shaped diet Pepsi can. On the side of the advertisement is the text “the new skinny can”. The main thesis that Pepsi clearly delivers to the consumers is that consumers also can look like the appealing woman in the advertisement, if they drink or consume Pepsi product. The Pepsi appeals to pathos of the women consumers; therefore, the intended audiences of this advertisement are, of course, mostly women consumers regardless of age who would always want to have attractive characteristics of woman: youth, charm, and beauty. In a same sense, this advertisement was also appealed to the younger generation consumers, such as teens, because contemporary teenagers do greatly care about their appearance or outfit of themselves. In short, Pepsi advertisement theme conveys that since only young and alluring women drink Pepsi, if you drink Pepsi, you can be one of the enchanting women in the advertisement.

The second print advertisement is from Coca-Cola Company. In this second print advertisement, there is a Coca-Cola bottle flooding and gushing forth its content. This content of a Coca-Cola is described as full of energetic and vigorous activities such as skydiving, riding bikes, and playing basketball etc. On the bottom of the advertisement, there is also a text that says “live on the Coke side of life”. The Coca-Cola Company uses the word “coke side” to represent the dynamic and lively life. The primary theme or the thesis of this advertisement is that people who live “cool”, active life drinks Coca-Cola. The intended audiences of this advertisement are those who live on the “coke side” of life and the young people who wants to live on the “coke side” of life, the more active life. The Coca-Cola Company is appealing to the younger generations who are craving for freedom and liveliness in their life. By this advertisement, the Coca-Cola Company depicts the brand image as energetic, enjoyable, dynamic, and full of life.

The paradox that lies in these both advertisements is that the diet Pepsi doesn’t make one skinny, rather it makes one crave more food because of few chemicals in diet Pepsi. Similar to this, the Coca-Cola doesn’t make one have active and enjoyable life. However, people still buy these soft drinks, thinking that it may affect their lives. 

Narrative Review

     The first narrative that I read was the story of Heath Hardiman’s “Built for Speed”. In his story, Heath mainly talks about how running has changed himself throughout his life. He starts off his story with a strong hook rather than a simple fact or statement: “While running, do you ever just take the time to admire the wind in your hair or that awkward bead of sweat that just trickled down your back? Is this what you consider running or is it something more? For me running is more than just a sport, it is a lifestyle.” Through this opening sentence, Heath implies his theme of the story, and interests readers to follow along his story. Then he writes some descriptive scenes that shows how he started to get interested in running, how he overcame his sickness through running, and what he have learned from running etc. Heath not only uses very descriptive words and sentences to let the audience not get lost in his story, but also uses ethos and pathos in his writing. Heath appeals to ethos when he put some details of his scene, such as the description of the track coach with Philadelphia accent or the name of the school that he went. Heath appeals to pathos, when he talks about his grandfather who had loved him so much. However, throughout the whole story, Heath is pretty successful at drawing readers into his story with intriguing opening sentence and expressing his theme through the vivid scenes in his life.

     The second narrative that I read was the story of Tina Cui’s “Telephone”. In case of Tina’s narrative, she starts her story with the situation of her talking on the telephone with her mom. Using good imageries, Tina puts a lot of details to make her story look more vivid and picturesque: “Now, nervously scratching off the red paint on this ancient school payphone…” In her essay, Tina writes about her relationship with her mom and her connected by the telephone or old red payphone. Reading Tina’s essay, I felt great empathy toward the situation of phone call with mom. As a student who study abroad and leave the parents behind, I enormously reflected Tina’s experience to mine. While the tone or the voice of the author is quite indifferent toward her mother in the first half of the story; however, as Tina notices how her mom has sacrificed her lives when she was young to send Tina to U.S. and how lonely her mom was in China alone, Tina’s tone and voice becomes lighter and loving than before. Of course, Tina uses the 3 appeals to make her writings to be seemed more elaborate and emotional. Among the 3 appeals, Tina uses pathos a lot such as when she had felt homesick, or when she described her mother’s feelings left alone. Tina develops her theme as she writes up the story: to “love” her mother in a way that her mother could like. Overall, Tina’s essay is so rich and deep when illustrating the issues with her mom. Until now, it is the most reflective essay to me. It has greatly influenced my thoughts about the relationships with my families.

     The third narrative that I read was Matt Donaldson’s “Sports”. In his essay, Matt primarily writes about the lessons that he learned from various sports that he had played throughout his life. As like the other group members, Matt also has an absorbing and compelling hook at the introductory paragraph. In the main body paragraphs, Matt introduces many different kinds of sports he played and many life-long lessons he learned from those sports. Matt had played soccer, swimming, baseball, and golf. And through these sports, Matt had learned how important it is to work with others cooperatively, to be competitive in his area, to manage time wisely, and to be patient, etc. When Matt tries to explain the feeling or the situation directly to the audience, he uses very good comparisons. For instance, In his narrative, Matt says, “I did not swim because I thought it was fun but more for the ribbons we got if we won, it’s like going to McDonald’s, kids don’t actually like the food but they do want the toy that comes with it.” Matt also uses vivid and alive comparison when he describes himself at the swimming training club where going to the restroom was never allowed. He says, “Have you ever been on a long car ride and you are stuck in traffic but you have to go to the bathroom, this is how it was but I could not get out.” With these usages of comparisons and analogies, Matt draws the attentions of the audience and makes his voice and tone more like of humorous tone. In general, Matt’s narrative is well written; however I agree to Heath’s comment on the last paragraph. I think it would be better if the transition from the former paragraph and the last paragraph was smoother.

     The final personal narrative that I read was Brandy Bateman’s “Your Senior Class President.” In her essay, Bateman focuses on the leadership that she learned through her experience of being a senior class president in high school. She begins her essay with the scene of senior class president announcement. Before submitting the class president application form to the office, she started to think if she could handle all the jobs, charges, and responsibilities that she had to have in order to be a class president. After being elected, Bateman lists few things that she has to plan as a class president and shows the audience few scenes or happenings when preparing for these events: t-shirt designing contest, spirit week event, senior trip, fundraising, prom, and the graduation speech. While she explains this fun but overwhelming events, she uses some interjections within her description such as: “PHEW! A sigh of relief.” and “Oh lord, I knew that would be a good time, and probably lead to more people coming to watch the show, so why not?” and “WOW, I cannot even put into words how amazing everything that I had pieced together turned out.” These interjections or expressions make her overall voice or tone quite light and maybe funny. Bateman’s theme is explicit in the last paragraph, where she realized her hidden abilities of leadership. In conclusion, Bateman’s essay had various scenes that had drawn audience’s attention, or at least mine, and with the adequate usage of interjections or expressions, her essay seemed friendlier. 

Rhetorical Analysis of Personal Narrative

The author of this personal narrative essay is a student who just entered into a college. Throughout this entire narrative, the author talks about how she responded the new environment or “changes” in her life. She first talks about how she has matured from a child to a young adult through studying abroad alone. Coming to a country that she had never been to, the narrator tells about the cultural and emotional hardships and adversities that she went through while studying in a new environment. The author uses a quite serious and maybe condescending tone; however, as the narrative goes on, she uses lighter tone when she mentions about her “recent” college life. This narrative essay contains two appeals: ethos which shows the authority or credibility of the context, and pathos which shows the feeling and emotions of the context. She uses ethos when she writes her experience with details. She also uses pathos when she describes the hardships and difficulties of adjustment to the new culture and surroundings. In this context, the audience of the author is assumed to be other foreign students who might feel empathy to her story and maybe other college freshmen who just got into the college and try to conform to their new environment. The theme or the main point of this narrative is mentioned in the very first line of the narrative as a quote from Kelly A. Morgan: “Changes are inevitable and not always controllable. What can be controlled is how I manage, react to and work through the change process.” Throughout this narrative, the conveyance of the theme is effective. The author directly says it in the first line of her narrative and puts emphasis when she shares her experiences in high school. However, the story becomes ineffective as the story goes on, when the author describes the most current events in her college life. To improve this personal narrative, the author should link and emphasize her theme more when she describes her experiences in college. Also, the author should mention more about what she learned from her recent “change” in college and how others who read her narrative can reflect to it. 

Favoritism

Sandra Cisneros’s personal narrative, “Only Daughter”, is about being an only girl in a family with six other brothers. Cisneros had grown up with six other brothers, but because she was an only daughter, she could not fit in with her brothers, and usually left alone. However, having spent a lot of time alone allowed her to think, imagine, read, and prepare to be a good writer. Then, in fifth grade, Cisneros told her family about her plans for college and her life. Her brothers all laughed at her plans; however, her father allowed her to go to college to find a better husband, since her father believed that the girl’s role in life is just to be someone’s wife. This shows that Cisneros’s father doesn’t consider Cisneros as important as her brothers and doesn’t care about why Cisneros wanted to go to college or what she wanted to do in college. In spite of her father’s favoritism toward her brothers over her, Cisneros went to college and graduate school, became a professor, made a speech in many famous schools, and wrote books. Finally, after ten years of writing, Cisneros flew home to Chicago with her book, that is translated into Spanish, in her hand. Cisneros gave her book to her father lying on his bed. Cisneros’s father read her book and enjoyed her writing. At the very end, Cisneros’s father recognized her true qualities and became proud of her. In Cisneros’s narrative, she talks about the conflict between herself and her father. Cisneros tries to get her father’s attention from her brothers and prove that she is not worthless child. On the other hand, Cisneros’s father disregards and ignores Cisneros. However, this conflict is resolved at the end of Cisneros’ narrative, when Cisneros’s father acknowledged Cisneros’s true qualities. The main theme of the story is that do not be frustrated and give up, although society disregards and disrespects you, because your true qualities and values will eventually reveal and be respected. Overall, I had empathy toward Cisneros’s narrative, since I also have a brother and experienced favoritism toward boys over girls by my grandfather. At back home in Korea, my grandfather had stereotypes about the role of boys and the role of girls in the family and society. According to my grandfather, I don’t need to study, because what I will do is just supporting my husband; however, that doesn’t mean that I can wander around and hang out with friends, rather it means that I have to stay calm and learn how to clean stuffs and make foods. Unfortunately, I did not have a chance to resolve this conflict like Cisneros did, because my grandfather has passed away before I show my abilities and prove that I could be better person than the person that he expected me to be.

Becoming a College Freshman: Reality

Last month, I became a freshman in Virginia Tech. However, a college freshman life is not delightful, but rather it is a total disaster full of assignments, projects, and insomnia.

When I finished my high school in California and arrived at Virginia Tech, I was filled with excitement, anticipation, and little nervousness. As I enter to the Commonwealth Ballroom at Squires Student Center for the International Student Orientation, I was surprised how many people from all around the world came to attend Virginia Tech. Meeting with this new people, and encountering their cultures were very interesting and wonderful. This new exciting and intriguing life at new school was full of joy and fun until the first day of the class.

        The first day of the class came very sudden and very calm. When I looked at my schedule to see what kind of classes I have today, I saw ENGL 1105, MATH 1225, and CHEM 1035 written in big blue letters. First, I thought that since I have only three classes, it would be an easy day. However, it did not take much time to realize that this schedule was horrible. After I have taken all the classes for the day, I was worn out. Listing all the assignments I had to do in two days, I met my friends and talked about this horrible schedule and how should I have to manage my time. From that day, my friends and I went to the Torgersen Hall to do the assignments that were given every single day.

         The first restless week has past, and I thought this huge workload and stress is nothing like I have imagined of college life. The “ideal” college life I dreamed was like the college life portrayed in TV shows and movies: going to fraternities and sororities parties and listening to loud music pounding the dorm walls. Of course, there are fraternities and sororities parties, but the problem is that if I go to the party, I have to give up my sleep or homework, or even both. Also, I can listen to loud music in the dorm and bring my friends, but it would be very rude to my roommate and others who are living in the dorm. So I just decided to stay up late on Friday to go to parties and club meetings on weekends.

        In the second week of the school, I had few happenings that I couldn’t control. I ditched the class. It happened early on Friday at 5 a.m., and I was rushing doing my math assignments and writing a blog post that was due on Friday. After I finished my assignments, it was 6:30 a.m., and since the first class starts at 9:00 a.m., I thought I should not sleep, but rather be awake and sleep after the class. However, life isn’t always under control. I closed my eyes to think about my schedule for the day, and when I opened my eyes, it was 10:00 a.m. I felt so frustrated to myself, and I even felt self-hatred. Battered by all different kinds of assignments, I am now learning how to manage my time better and more efficiently without giving pressure to myself or to my body.

      To think positively, I am only freshman, and it is only the third week of school. I can fix it, if I work hard on time-managing, sleep sufficient hours, and keep up my work on time.  Wish me good luck on the rest of my college life. 

Compare and Contrast Personal Narratives

Chang-Rae Lee’s “Coming Home Again” and David Sedaris’s “A Plague of Tics” are both personal narratives that share their life experiences. Lee’s “Coming Home Again” is a tribute to his mother to commemorate her. In “Coming Home Again”, Lee writes about his relationship with his mother in his childhood, his teen, and the present. In the story, Lee flashbacks and recalls the memories of his childhood, when he and his mother had close relationship, and of his teen, when he was at the boarding school in New Hampshire, dismissing and saying bitter words to his family. Later on, when he comes back and found his mother ill with cancer, Lee realized his deep and strong bond between his mother and himself, and the native Korean food that his mother made for him was a core means of communication between him and his mother. However, Lee generally uses sad and melancholic tone in his narrative and a lot of imagery to depict the foods that his mother or he cooked: “For Kalbi … a butchered short rib in her narrow hand, the flinty bone shaped like a section of an airplane wing….” Lee also uses symbolism when he symbolizes “Kalbi” as a loving childhood memory between his mother and himself; he uses irony when he describes his mother a good cook, but she got stomach cancer and cannot eat anything except the liquids that flow in electronic pump. In contrast to “Coming Home Again”, “A Plague of Tics” has humorous tone overall in Sedari’s narrative. In “A Plague of Tics”, Sedari is very dynamic and interesting character who has a psychological disorder called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Sedari draws the attention of the audience by starting his narrative essay with the funny anecdote of a dialogue with his teacher, Ms. Chestnut about the “problem” that Sedari continues to do. After the hilarious conversation, Ms. Chestnut visited Sedari’s parents to discuss about Sedari’s “problem”, OCD However, Sedari’s parents did not take his “problem” seriously; his mother thinks it would just go away soon and his father threats him to stop. Later on, as Sedari goes to college, he faces deeper challenge with his friends, because of his uncontrollable OCD. However, Sedari solves his OCD by another common OCD, smoking: “it gave him something to do with his hands”. In similar to Lee’s narrative, Sedari’s narrative also contains vivid imagery and irony. An example of a vivid imagery in “A Plague of Tics” is: “…pausing every few feet to tongue a mailbox or touch whichever single leaf or blade of grass demanded my attention.” An irony used in “A Plague of Tics” is: “pleasure had nothing to do with it. A person had to do these things because nothing was worse than the anguish of not doing them”, which means Sedari is aware of his odd actions, but he could not stop it due to his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

                                                                          

Unexpected Events in Life

When people face unexpected or undesirable events such as natural disaster and sudden illness, people tend to be disappointed and depressed with themselves and their lives. However, there are some who accept their unfortunate incident with calmness, courage, and positive mind. In these two essays, “Living with Fire” and “On Being a Cripple”, Alan Dean Foster and Nancy Mairs tell the audience that how these unexpected events have affected and changed their lives.

           In the essay, “Living with Fire”, Foster writes a very graphic description and imagery about the wildfire called the Doce fire, which burned 6,767 acres of land and lasted for two weeks, near his house in Prescott, Arizona. At first, Foster’s attitude toward the wildfire was shock and fear. However, with calmness and with the positive mindset, Foster got used to or became indifferent to the wildfires that occur almost weekly, as Foster says, “People living in proximity to disaster don’t shout; they just prepare in case it turns and comes for them.” Like Foster, Mairs also had an uncontrollable happening (multiple sclerosis) in her life. Mairs overcame her disability and other people’s perceptions of her by not rejecting the truth, but by facing it with confidence and courage, as she says, “I am not a disease. And a disease is not…going to determine who I am.”

           Although, it seems that these two essays have a similar theme, they are quite different in the deliverance of the theme and in their writing styles. Foster’s essay had the assertive tone of reluctantly accepting the natural disaster: “This is my home, and I’ll deal with Mother Nature’s dark side when and if it comes my way. As must we all.” Whereas, Mairs’s essay had a humorous tone of willingly accepting and overcoming the disabilities she has: “As a cripple, I swagger.” “…MS is simply a fact of my life…” Furthermore, Mairs writes that this unexpected event in her life, MS has taught her a great lesson and made her life richer and deeper. Mairs states, “I’m glad of what I have. It has opened and enriched my life enormously.”

In sum, both Foster and Mairs face their reality straightforwardly and adjust themselves. However, they have different attitude when responding to the unexpected events, which can be shown in their writing.